Everything will be alright. Everything. Will be alright.

I've made people laugh until they cry. I can cheer my friends up. I still have friends despite the sopping shit rag I've been lately. I've been told I'm a good story teller. I've been told I have a lot of potential as a writer. I've been told, despite episodes of crippling depression and anxiety, I'm hilarious.

I had my best friend stab me in the back. I had the most important person in my world lie to me. Despite it being 7 months now, it still hurts. A lot. It still crosses my mind more than I wish it would.

But you know what? I'm doing alright. I'm working on doing alright. The sadness that made me useless for months has devolved to a level of frustration as my other stressors (school, money, pets, never being as internet famous as I feel like I should be) and I feel like I can put a cap on it when it flares up most of the time.

Falling out of love with someone is the hardest thing I've had to force myself to do. I wish I was exaggerating. Literally the hardest.

Do I still hate myself? Who the fuck doesn't. Do I still wake up, a little bit bitter that I didn't die in my sleep? Sure enough. Is my sadness a bit more well distributed? Yeah, I guess so. I have more things to be cynical about than a girl that broke my heart.

So. Sad optimism. Things'll work out.

Nanowrimo Prep.

I'm already getting excited. I'm honestly going to attempt the 50k in a week and come what may the rest of the month. We'll see how this goes.

In preparation I'm doing the following:

• Writing out a list of prompts. Cutting them up. Putting them in a box.
• Getting a box shaped like a book. Paint and collage it with things that remind my of my main character. Put prompts in here.
• Make a brief playlist for each character involved.
• Turn the spare/storage bedroom into an office/writing hovel.
• Invest in some Field Notes notebooks.
• Write down what I do everyday so I can seriously evaluate how much time I waste. A lot, I'm aware.

YEP. So this blog is temporarily ~nano blog~.